[In this post I will talk about my boobs, curse, and mention/show photos of gross medical things. You have been warned. J ]
After all my surgeries and treatments last year, I decided that I wouldn’t get reconstruction. I had great reasons. In one year I’d had five surgeries, and didn’t want any more. I’m not a super vain person, so I didn’t think I’d care about having boobs. I also didn’t want to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on something that is seen as cosmetic. I mean, who needs boobs anyway?
But after six months of weighing the pros and cons, I’ve come to the decision. I WANT BOOBS!
What changed my mind? Let’s take it point by point.
VANITY – There is a cold cap device that you can wear during Chemo that helps you keep your hair. It costs hundreds of dollars to rent. My first thought was, who cares? I just don’t want to die. Why would anyone waste their money? Well, let me tell you, when you’re bald and underweight and basically look like the crypt keeper, it’s not really about being vain. It’s about feeling like yourself. I had the same reservations about reconstruction. Could I live without boobs? Yeah. Sure. Of course I could. But I decided that it would be a huge step toward feeling like myself again.
[Here's a picture of one of the crappier moments...but I got through it!]
[Here is me looking super confused on how to ring a bell after completion of my chemotherapy!]
SURGERY – Sigh. So many fucking surgeries. I have a ga-billion doctors and now I can add two plastic surgeons to the mix. For the reconstruction, I will have a major initial surgery in which they remove the skin and fat from my stomach and make a boob out of it. Gross, right? Oh, but it gets better. Since I don’t really have a nice big tummy, they will then have to suck the fat out of other bits of me and seed the fat cells into my new boob. I’ll have to do this at least three times. So why bother? As my awesome surgeon told me, I’m young. I can take it. I might have 50 or so years left. I shouldn't let fear of surgeries make the decision for me.
MONEY – Having cancer not only sucks, but it’s super expensive. I had so many people donate money to me the first time around, it made a huge difference. Reconstruction is no different. The estimate for the surgery is between forty to fifty thousand. I’m lucky to have insurance and they’ll pay for most of it, but my out of pocket costs will still be in the thousands…not to mention down time. So once again I am going to beg for money. I started a campaign on GoFundMe and if you can donate anything at all, I will be immensely grateful. You can also brag that you helped buy me boobs.
I wanted a fundraiser gauge that was a boob but I couldn’t find one! Anyone know how I can get one...or a pink ribbon will do, I suppose.
And even if you can't offer financial support (believe me, I get it) feel free to post about your journey. Survivor stories are always welcome!